Yes, This is a Cry for Help

2021

Trophies, screen-printed sash, plaque, wood

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This piece was an exploration into the negative thoughts we have about ourselves.

I was already thinking a lot about things I don’t like about myself. Depression and anxiety are frequent visitors in my life as it is, and I was going through an especially hard time between my partner being effectively deported and COVID serving to further isolate me. On top of all this, I was in my final year at SAIC and growing uncomfortably aware that I didn’t know what would come after.

This project developed out of a need for control in an otherwise chaotic time.

I had recently started considering the effects of the way I speak to myself. For example, I noticed myself getting clumsier (possibly a side-effect of the stress I was under) and my partner suggested that my pointing it out might lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead of swearing or calling myself stupid (as I often would), I started saying, somewhat sarcastically, “Good job, Ella,” every time I dropped something.

The effect was dramatic. I’m not sure if I got any less clumsy, but I definitely felt significantly less awful every time I dropped or bumped into something.

This led to an exploration of what happens when I reward my insecurities. Yes, This is a Cry for Help was born from that exploration.